1 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,269 BACK BY CHRISTMAS 2 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,911 John Collier, who wrote this story... 3 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:42,596 ...must be one of the funniest contemporary writers. 4 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:48,357 He wrote many short stories, three of them novels and a lot of good movie scripts. 5 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:52,436 When Collier writes fiction, he goes completely crazy. 6 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,673 Think of a novel, it's called: His Monkey Wife. 7 00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:01,038 In which a female chimpanzee falls in love... 8 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:05,159 ...and eventually gets married with a colonial schoolmaster. 9 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,673 If that's not absurd, what is? 10 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:13,877 And here follows another, equally absurd story by Collier. 11 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,320 I'll walk around some more. I'll see you soon. 12 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,997 Samantha. 13 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,759 You were always beautiful, but you walk the danger of becoming brilliant. 14 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,036 I'm excited to start in the hospital. 15 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,431 God help our students when you come to us. 16 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:08,310 Honey, do you want to pass this around? -Yes, of course. 17 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,311 Do you want something too? 18 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:24,310 Ladies and gentlemen, I know that James you don't like me saying something... 19 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:28,837 ...but I'm going to enjoy it anyway. -Good. 20 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:35,348 Good. Who else but Hermione could throw such a great party... 21 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,398 ...just a few hours before she goes to America? 22 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:43,429 One thing I know for sure: She will be the only one without jet lag. 23 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:51,951 Well, I sometimes have the impression that England loses confidence in himself. 24 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:56,591 So it gives hope that our hospital and especially James' department... 25 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,558 ...is a leader in the field. 26 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,868 So much so that the Americans Want to steal James from us. 27 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:09,512 For nine months. Oh well, that's the usual gestation period. 28 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:14,549 Let's hope the relationship between James and the Americans is fruitful. 29 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:22,311 We will all miss him. And we will miss Hermione too. 30 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:27,110 And unfortunately now she can not organizing our art festival. 31 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:31,751 But that's in the good hands of... -Sebastian. 32 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:35,276 Who? Yes, Sebastian. 33 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:43,753 So I can't force tickets on anyone, but there are exciting events. 34 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,798 Especially those Renaissance music concerts. 35 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,316 And I hope you do Sebastian will support. 36 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:56,798 I wish you a good journey. Oh, and one more thing... 37 00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:02,114 We all know where James is going to spend his money on. 38 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:07,195 Which hobby is more innocent than growing orchids? 39 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:11,035 They look beautiful. I don't know much about it... 40 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,113 They also smell nice. Just like Hermione. 41 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,913 I smell like packing suitcases and mothballs. 42 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,913 Come on, Gavin. 43 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:27,119 I want to say that the research that got us invited... 44 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:30,875 ...of course the result is of teamwork. 45 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,918 Most of you were on that team... 46 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:38,278 ...and we are grateful for those years of hard work and loyalty. 47 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,639 Thank you. -Thanks, Gavin. Great speech. 48 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,268 Good. Drinks. 49 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,677 And now... Just a moment, everyone. 50 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,630 Honey... -Sorry. 51 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,955 The department continues to operate, of course in our absence... 52 00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:01,910 ...but orchids need water. And I hope that all my friends... 53 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:08,030 ...want one of our beauties care. So if you join us... 54 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:15,913 No problem, it's very simple. There is a label with instructions. 55 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:20,517 Look. This is a Paphiopedilum hirsutissimum. 56 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,069 I call it 'the hairy one'. 57 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,235 Do you like it? -Would he like me? 58 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,118 Naturally. 59 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:33,593 I'm worried about one thing. James will get a lot of offers. 60 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,433 And the salaries are there two or three times as high. 61 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:40,070 You're not going to let it get stolen, are you? We need him. 62 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,949 Tom, I promise. The dollars won't tempt James... 63 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:49,274 ...and America will not tempt me. -I hope not. 64 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:53,035 Tom, you're not leaving here without a copy. 65 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,278 I have one with a Latin name which seems very rude to me. 66 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,591 You're lucky with a man whose hobby doesn't make you... 67 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,797 ...you're soaking wet and freezing every weekend. 68 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:12,556 Oh, Tom and sailing. -Tom sails. I am his crew. 69 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:16,156 Sometimes I hope the boat sinks. -Not with Tom on it, right? 70 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,073 Well, you don't have to. 71 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:23,438 And orchids aren't annoying? -They can't talk. 72 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:29,038 But James talks to them. Endless. More than he talks to me. 73 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:32,510 Sometimes he's busy half the night with repotting and all that. 74 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,558 And if I want to watch TV or want to listen to music... 75 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,156 ...he just decides to hang some shelves. 76 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:43,552 I want a nice new one installing an aluminum greenhouse. 77 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,871 Out of sight, behind the tennis court. 78 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:51,431 Because without that junk it would make a beautiful conservatory. 79 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,957 And you always fix things so cleverly. -No, not smart. 80 00:06:56,120 --> 00:07:00,033 Well, I'm smart enough to know what I want to adopt. 81 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,715 Place it in the light until the first frost. -We'll take good care of him. 82 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,440 Intensive care. 83 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,756 Mine is a stem. -It will bloom in December. 84 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,673 Spray this over it occasionally. 85 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:20,789 Oh, Samantha. This one's for you. 86 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:25,272 It is an Odontoglossum superbum. This is the most precious. 87 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:30,719 What do you mean? Is it a rare example? -It is the most precious... 88 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:34,839 ...because I can visit you right away to pick it up. 89 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:41,038 When will you come back again? -If all goes well: by Christmas. 90 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,391 Should I put it there? Look at that. 91 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,632 Drive carefully. -See you around Christmas. 92 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:32,273 Is something wrong? -For God's sake, grow up. 93 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,749 I'm a big boy, Mommy. 94 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:39,550 You can't see a girl without wanting to prove that you can get her. 95 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:43,838 Fine then, have one. One of your beautiful nurses. 96 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,834 Hopefully she will be of more use to you than I owe you. 97 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:53,840 You're getting ridiculous. People laugh at you behind your back. 98 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,514 'The elderly Casanova.' 99 00:08:56,680 --> 00:09:02,198 I like that role better than my current one. 'The husband who is under the slab'. 100 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,511 Husbands under wraps at least help. 101 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:09,639 But your power is that you don't need anyone's help. 102 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,076 You always have everything so perfectly organised. 103 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:14,673 Not then? 104 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,872 Hermione. 105 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,389 Hermione... -What is it? 106 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:53,872 I have found something wonderful. Come have a look. 107 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:59,472 Let's see... The milkman, gas, water, electricity... 108 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,392 Hermione. 109 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:04,279 Yes? -This is really strange. 110 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:08,353 What is? Aren't you dressed yet? 111 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,671 What are you doing? -Unless my eyes deceive me... 112 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,593 ...there is a gold chain in that drain. 113 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,433 That's not possible. I don't have a gold chain. 114 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:22,116 Unless someone was here. A miserable one nurse who needed a bath? 115 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,477 Serious. Then come and have a look. 116 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,032 There. 117 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,918 There. 118 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,916 You can't be lost. We were there an hour ago. 119 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:50,835 It must be on the left then right and then left again. 120 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:59,879 Okay, then we'll travel around the world. For one stupid earring. 121 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:22,072 You're already losing earrings as long as I know you. 122 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:26,199 Why don't you get cavities? -That creeps me out. 123 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,635 And you're a nurse... 124 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,675 I told you they were gone, right? -They don't fly until six o'clock. 125 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,673 Maybe they needed to visit someone. 126 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,596 Come on. 127 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:30,515 But jade suits the Chinese dress that I wanted to take to the Frazers. 128 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,312 Stop. 129 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,835 What now? -I'm writing a note. 130 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,072 A maid will probably come. 131 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:38,598 "If you find an earring, please call..." 132 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:44,039 Why do I never know our phone number? -28821. 133 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,956 Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to land in Los Angeles. 134 00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:34,750 Would you please put out your cigarettes? and put your chair upright? 135 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,879 For your safety you must keep your seat belt on... 136 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:45,912 ...until the captain has indicated that it may be released. 137 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,431 'We both have it We're really enjoying ourselves in LA... 138 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:14,310 ...and we enjoy the legendary American hospitality.” 139 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:24,232 "Back by Christmas." 140 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:33,876 'Lots of love...' 141 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,472 "Hermione." 142 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,791 Hello? -Hello, James. 143 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,793 Eleanor, darling. Did you get my message? 144 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,509 How are you? -I was afraid I would miss you. 145 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,468 You're in Los Angeles? -Yes, we were in New York, Chicago... 146 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,200 ...Philadelphia, and now I'm here. Finally. 147 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:11,512 I didn't know when you... -Listen. I have great news. 148 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,911 She's gone from me. She left. 149 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,833 Away from you? When? -Very suddenly. 150 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,514 What do you mean? -One moment. 151 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,232 Come in. 152 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,879 Just put that in the bedroom. 153 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,429 What time will you arrive? -Not until half past ten. 154 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,433 So we eat late then? -That doesn't matter. 155 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,068 I'll survive... Thank you. 156 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,198 I'll survive that. -Sure. 157 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:41,954 What are you going to do now? -What do you mean? 158 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:45,192 I'm going to build a greenhouse. A whole row of greenhouses. 159 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:47,430 And then take it easy. -You can't be serious. 160 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,194 Yes, I'm quitting my job. 161 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:54,797 I'm tired of body parts of transferring dead people... 162 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,270 ...to people who should be dead. -I don't believe you. 163 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,115 And what about the hospital? -Wait a minute. 164 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,953 One moment. -James, what's wrong? 165 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,877 One moment. 166 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:22,879 'Dear madam, thank you for accepting our quotation... 167 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:26,669 ...and for the keys to the house which you included. 168 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:33,075 We'll start right away, to be ready by Christmas, as agreed. 169 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,993 The work includes, as described: 170 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:40,950 Supply and install aluminum greenhouse as shown in the drawing. 171 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:44,635 Cleaning up the current greenhouse. 172 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:49,794 Removing the planks. Removing the old floorboards. 173 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,678 Excavating the foundation. 174 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,669 And laying a new floor.' 175 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,758 James, are you still there? James? 176 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,673 What's going on? James?